I always see people complaining about their failed plans in life. When I don’t, I see people announcing plans then never following them through, or starting resolutions and never reaching the goal behind them, or designing schemes and never seeing them executed.
What proved to be truly common behind all of these stories, are the reasons why most people never truly reach what they want or aim to achieve; reasons that are very common, very mundane and almost not worthy of a lengthy analysis. Reasons made of things that I faced myself, and that you need to face if you’re planning to get anything done in life or have your way at anything. Reasons made of things that need to be confronted head on, unless you want this bitterness to keep eating at your very core.
The same set of reasons is often behind why you didn’t lose the weight, why you don’t look a certain way, why you never took that risk, why you never moved, why you never started that business, why you don’t have the career of your dreams, why you don’t have the relationship of your dreams, why you’re not in the circles you wish to be in, why you’re not living the life you want to live and why you’re bottling up anger about all of that.
Here are some of those reasons! WARNING: Don’t read if you’re not not willing to face yourself, because this won’t be easy!
– You lack willpower : There isn’t really a nice way to put it, but a lack of willpower is the number one reason why most people do not get what they want in life. There’s isn’t also a way to explain it, but I assume everyone has a grasp on the concept of willpower. Lucky enough, willpower is something a person can start developing incrementally through pursuing smaller goals in the beginning then increasing the challenges as times goes by.
– You lack self control : Self control and willpower aren’t the same thing. Willpower cover the large domain of doing whatever it takes to reach a goal, whereas self control dictates how you keep your whims and instincts in check. Self control starts with controlling your body at the most basic level, then evolves into controlling your mind. And let me drop this bomb here and now because it’s important: If you cannot control what goes inside your body, you can never control what your mind does and where it will take you next in life, and whether it will take you anywhere to start with. You have to be able to walk before you run.
– Deep inside, you don’t believe you can do it : When you want something, but a history of not getting what you want is on your mind; you will be tempted to unconsciously self-sabotage your own efforts because you are already expecting not to make it. Your unconscious mind is comfortable with your old pattern and success makes it uncomfortable. You will need to find a way to take your mind off of your usual pattern. Ask for help. Meditate. Do anything because this is lethal.
– You overestimate what you can do in the short run : Everyone with no exceptions falls for this one. We all tend to fall for the seduction of having it all, and having it now. We also tend to compare to the few outliers who made it fast. That’s what they are: outliers. Patience is a virtue when planning for success (not when grasping opportunities though), therefore, big goals need to be put in perspective and divided into smaller milestones. Measure your success according to these milestones while accounting for “human” slack and “forces majeures”, so you can tell whether on track or not. But please do not throw everything on that “force majeure” to justify human error, lack of willpower or simple laziness.
– And you underestimate what you can do in the long run : The reality is that success in anything is a cumulative upward trend of ups and downs where ups are a bit higher with every round, and downs are a little milder. Most often than not disappointment settles in the short run failures, which totally destroys any potential for a long run success. A short run failure is usually the direct result of not having a long term plan.
– You’re satisfied with mediocrity : I, myself, couldn’t find an explanation for people who are jealous of and thrive for perfection but eventually do deliver mediocrity. Beside straight down “laziness” there’s nothing else to be said here.
– You hate on and criticize everything you deeply desire : People who fail to get close to a certain ideal, often turn bitter and angry, then express it by convincing themselves they hate that ideal and start criticizing using all sorts of stereotypes and philosophies. If you’re doing that, you’re unconsciously destroying your own potential and turning your own energy against you.
– You are a talker, not a doer : And a lot of people are exactly like that. This problem goes back to the satisfaction you can from sharing your plans and impressing people with them. Your ego tricks you into believing the satisfaction you get at the moment equals that of starting something new. So you start talking more and doing less. Stop it. Now.
– You worry about what other people think : Your ego is not comfortable with criticism and you seek consensus and attention in the short run; this is why you shy away from anything that could jeopardize that. Positive attention means so much more to you than real success so you lust after it which keeps you deeply bitter because it is not your very last aim, and because real success actually goes through its very opposite.
– You’re too afraid of failure : This one is pretty much self evident !!
I hope that was harsh enough to wake some of you up! If not, wait for another ever saltier 10 in part -2-